be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
