Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
