I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
