So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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