So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
