just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
