So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
