I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
