His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
