WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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