South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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