Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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