I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
