And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
