Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
