sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
