went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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