soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
tonight lets celebrate not being married
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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