OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
