Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
