before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
