FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
