girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
