when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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