my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
