so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
