Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
