My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
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