Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
