btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
