mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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