Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
