Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
