letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
