this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
