I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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