my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
