Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
