Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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