Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
