Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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