I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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