I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Bring me that man meat
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
