I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Even my vagina gasped.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
