I was born with a shot glass in my hand
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
