bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
is wine microwaveable?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
