Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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