Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
