Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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