i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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