is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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