I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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