Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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