Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
