Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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