I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
