***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
