remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
