i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
