Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
