i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
