never play flip cup with pint glasses
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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